Last August Leta and I went shopping with my sister, September, to a fancy Walmart near my mother's house. My sister has a romantic relationship with Walmart and if she could be granted one wish in the world it would probably be a naked shopping spree at the biggest Walmart in all the land so she could rub up against all the low prices with her bare skin. If she could marry Walmart she totally would.

This particular Walmart was one of those marketplace Walmarts where the lighting isn't so fluorescent that your skin turns green. I usually don't buy anything from Walmart because you never know where it has been, but I found a bottle of Walmart brand baby lotion on sale and decided I'd risk it. I'm glad I did because it turned out to be full of lavender and chamomile scents, and when applied to Leta's skin it made her almost irresistible to eat.

The next week I checked into the hospital because I was thinking about killing myself.

Jon would visit me in the hospital two or three times a day, and when he'd bring Leta she smelled just like that Walmart baby lotion, delicious and tender and beautiful. I'd scoop her out of the stroller and press my nose against her forehead so that I would remember that smell after he took her home.

Over the weekend we bought another brand of baby lotion with lavender and chamomile scents and it smells just like the Walmart brand lotion. On Sunday night after giving Leta a bath I lathered her chubby legs and belly with that lotion and I was instantly reminded of the hospital and the time I spent there. I told Jon what I was thinking and he asked if it was painful to remember that time.

"No, not at all." I smiled and looked down at Leta who was smiling up at me with all four of her jagged Billy Bob teeth. "In fact, this smell is comforting. It makes me think about how you came to visit me, how she came to visit me, how neither of you gave up on me."

I didn't wash my hands after putting the lotion on Leta's body, and after we put her to bed and for the rest of the night I would sneak quick sniffs of my hands. I realized that this smell would always remind me of Life.