You look fantastic. I'm on vacation, trying to get my hubby to capture 1, just 1 decent pregnancy photo of me for posterity. I pulled your old one up (from San Diego, I think it was?) as a visual aid for him. We'll see...
Anyway, I'm now looking at your current pic thinking I look as big as you do now -- except I'm only 26 weeks.
Oh well. I should not act surprised, for all of the junk I've been eating.
But back to you -- you look great. Best of luck with the birth.

Here's to never having your tortilla chips break on you mid-dip. No one should ever have that happen anyway. ;)

I am laughing so hard I'm in tears, Heather! Thank you for making my day...and for making me really grateful that I'm adopting.

Oh...the foot. Yeah, the son tried to kick me in the cervix around 36 weeks, missed and hit me in the bladder. At which point, I peed myself in the middle of a meeting. Fortunately, one's bladder doesn't hold much at 36 weeks.

You are gorgeous.

Such a good description of late pregnancy!! :)

My son is 10 1/2 months old. My bellybutton still has not gone back in. It popped inside out when I was FOUR MONTHS pregnant and is still extremely visible through anything tight.

Yes, they're hideous.

I had to laugh about the crying jags. Sometimes I think this is to ready us for unreasonable toddlers. I swear when my kids were little, the very same things set them off. Maybe I should have realized that they were simply "MOURNING THE FRAGILITY OF LIFE". Who knew 2 year olds were so deep?

I'm at 35 weeks, and completely relate to the squished in between two people on a bus feeling. *sigh*

I'm still sporadically weeping at odd things 3 weeks post-partum. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I didn't realize how miserable late term pregnancy until after the delivery - one day out, and I felt so light and fluffy - in spite of what the weight scale said.

sorry about Fred; my belly-button never tried extending itself outward, but it was a lot easier to pick lint out. not that I had lint or anything.

You look great. My friend was only one week ahead of you and had her baby this morning!! Mom and baby are healthy. I hope you are ready! By the way, I have 2 girls also and wouldn't have it any other way.

A broken tortilla chip? That's worse than when I cried over Jan Brady's unfortunate middle place in the family episode. Thank God it was 30 years ago and I'll soon forget to remember it !! Good luck

I'm definitely eating lunch right now.
I hope you have many strong tortilla chips today.

Yeah. I can completely relate to this post right now. The cervix kicking, the feeling like your bladder might explode at any minute, and feeling super crowded. I'm 31 weeks, and when I got up the other morning and saw the baby bed all put together I about hyperventilated!!!

You're tiny. Not like OHMIGOD WOMAN YOUR BABY'S NOT GROWING SEEK MEDICAL HELP tiny, but like you're going to pop that baby out and go right back into your regular clothes within a week tiny.

Basically what I'm saying is I hate you.

My third and final pregnancy (child #3 is now 3 1/2 - and I'm 42, almost 43 (too damn old to have a toddler)) I had a shameless belly button erection too. My mother would visit and when I wore tight t-shirts, she'd say, "You look cute... but, your navel's sticking out." She was repulsed. You would have thought I was prancing around in a thong.

You look great! Hang in there!

How did the foamy saliva find a vertical path from mouth to floor?
Never having been there myself, I'm really unsettled by pregnant women's ability to identify which fetal body part is pressing uncomfortably against which maternal body part. It must really make one feel like a vessel.
You look gorgeous and the hormones haven't had any effect on your sense of humor. :)

And this is why I only had one child. I'm an overly emotional person as it is. Pregnancy just made me even more like Sybil.

mourning the fragility of life is never a bad thing. you look great!

good luck with the tortilla chips.

I wasn't eating a ham sandwich, but that last descriptive sentence in that paragraph sure was a ... descriptive one. haha! Can't wait to see your new little one!

The protuding pregnant belly buton is the only reason I regret the navel piercing I had for 8 years. When I took it out, it left a bumpy little scar - which for now is fine, because it's on the inside of my belly button. But when it pops out to say hello, it's seriously going to look like I have a wart on my belly button. Yay.

Wow, it is funny how in sync our pregnancies have been. I turned 34 weeks yesterday, and I was just commenting to my husband that I couldn't believe how this whole having a baby thing has snuck up on me, and holy shit. Also, the crying, emotional mess has combined in an ugly way with the nesting, compulsive-list making and helpless arm-flapping that I am prone to these days. Lovely, just lovely. Luck to you and luck to me!

~Heather

You have every right to be very emotional - you're growing an actual brand new human life! And you look fabulous while doing it! That shade of blue is the perfect color to draw attention to your eyes!

What you are going through right now reminds me of what I went through with my two pregnancies (two girls) and it seems like light years ago. Where did the time go? I blinked and my daughters are now 13 and 16. I also have three step children, 11, 15 and 18. If you think what you are going through is torture, try having four teenagers, three of whom are learning to drive!! Seriously, I wish you well. I hope you have a safe, healthy and speedy delivery.

Carol

It went by so fast.. I remember when you announced you were pregnant.. Can't wait to hear what you decide to name her and the beautiful pictures to come..

I am so jealous of you skinny arms, skinny legs, I just look like I swallowed a basketball pregnant people because I looked like a parade float by the time I was 25 weeks.

You look gorgeous. Keep that baby cooking & I can't wait to see pictures of her when she arrives.

I'm also pregnant, 20 weeks, and I have the crying thing down. When you described your chip breaking... I felt for you. I had a serious cry fest when my dear husband finished the cereal. He thought I was dying, it was that bad. I guess I can only hope it doesn't get worse in the third trimester.

You're hilariously amazing, by the way!

I had to read Dooce this afternoon before I could start my own writing. I was in such a bad mood--it was my husband's fault, of course, it's always the husband, and now I feel much better. Thank you. About the crying, I remember with my pregnancies feeling like a total head case with the crying, which of course became SO much worse AFTER the babies were born. Though this problem improved, I still find myself wanting to burst into tears over any trite, overly sentimental moment on tv, like commercials or whatever. It's maddening. So here's the trick I've learned: unless you're too far gone, when you find the tears welling and the stomach starting to extend and contract, take your tongue and press it hard into the roof of your mouth. Biting the tongue works too, but it looks really stupid. Seriously, try it. But you'd better try it more than once because those hormones have a crazy life of their own. Good luck and you look great, even with the addition of Fred in your life.

Oh Heather, I completely empathize with you... I'm due June 15, and it's difficult to walk at this point!! I can't stand for more than an hour w/o my ankles swelling to the size of softballs!! I too feel like an arm is going to poke out of my privates (which, btw, are swollen beyond belief)... good luck with the next 6 weeks... I'm there with you!!!

I'm 9 months pregnant right now, and I totally feel you on the belly button thing. Mine could poke someone's eye out if I'm not careful. Sometimes I put a band-aide over it when I go to work so it isn't quite so obvious. But sometimes, I'm just too damn lazy and pregnant and I think to myself, "Let 'em stare!"

Hang in there. Not too much longer - for either of us!

I worry that you might need another book to get over this baby... or something way worse. I send you all my strength and good vibes to hang in there.

All the best.

Has anyone told you lately that you look fabulous? Somebody should! You haven't gotten all fat and sloppy like I did, and you just look like being pregnant is so easy. I know it's not easy at all, but if appearances dictated experience, yours says EASY all over the place. Maybe you should leave the spit and toothpaste on your shirt and stay in jammies all day, or just something to make it look more difficult so you'd get some extra TLC!

Oh I cannot wait to get pregnant again! I hope you won't take too much time off blogging once the baby gets here (selfish.. I know)... I miss you already!

Don't you just love hormones? Aren't hormones just the greatest? Don't you think hormones are just our BFFs, so on our side? Don't you love how they surge during pregnancy and maybe give you great, fluffy hair, but totally steal your memory so that after days of searching you discover your cell phone in the refrigerator and your wallet in your slipper/boot? And you cry over broken tortilla chips and always during Gardasil commercials? And THEN, after the birth, you still cry, but without the fabulous hair! Because your hormones have robbed you of it! And now it's falling out! What IS that?

You look great! I had a baby a month ago and I'm sure strangers want to ask when I'm due. And I cried about dust in my 30-ish weeks. I feel your pain. Blah!

I think you look GREAT for being 34 weeks pregnant. Other than your baby poking out like you've swallowed a basketball (can someone please come up with a new metaphor so I can stop using the 'basketball' one?), you don't even look pregnant. I remember being only 28 weeks pregnant and looking like a giant, waddling, pregnant person...it was painfully obvious that I hadn't just swallowed a basketball (there it is again...damn). Then a friend of mine, who was also 28 weeks pregnant (but I didn't know it at the time) comes in with a tiny little belly, wearing her normal pants with just a rubber band tied around the button to keep them done up. Puh-leeese!! It was that kind of look where they certainly don't look pregnant, but they don't look like they normally do...so you don't want to ask. To me, she looked the way I did after eating a big burrito for lunch. Turns out...nope!!...she was pregnant and due at the same time I was. Nice.

Anyway...you, your 34 week old baby, and your belly button guest all look great.

i cried during my second pregnancy because my husband didn't know why the price of gas had suddenly gone up. and i started bawling when he told me that he thought it was because ... blah blah blah.
i was so upset that he DID know the answer to my question and he just wasn't telling me the first time.
it still kinda pisses me off ... but not in a crying sort of way.

You look fabulous!

I'm sorry that the mood swings are so intense, I guess it gives me something to look forward to in 7 months! lol.

As always, thank you!

If it makes you feel any better, you look totally hot as a pregnant mom.

Did your belly button get all crazy pokey-out-y with Leta? I prayed mine would pop out, but it's such a deep dark cavern I swear it goes to my back. I think that we need a better visual though - can you give us a forward face next week? Or a 3/4 or uhhh 7/8 or something?

P.S....your perfect milky non-stretch mark skin is to. die. for.

I can't believe this picture did not include the infamous boot!! Where is the boot?? We demand to see the boot!! :)

holy shit i love pregnant people.
minus the people, and plus the dooce.

Yes, I am eating lunch as I read this. How did you know? Having been through 2 pregnancies before, I guess I'm immune to any gross-factors involved in pregnancies, though.

I had a Fred too! Never named mine though. I was always worried that if I turned around too quickly, I would poke some small child in the eye!

You are quite beautiful pregnant! How's the toe?

You look really beautiful! Many many moons ago, when I was pregnant, the belly button thing bothered me, so I put a band aid on it to make it flat. Crazy? Yeah, like a fox!

Don't forget, you're crying for two.

Don't feel bad. Sometimes I'm that emotional and I'm not even pregnant. :P

You've got to be one of the funniest, most honest writers ever. It's so strange how all the frustration and anger and sadness that you feel can stay bottled up inside until your tortilla chip breaks in your soup. Thanks for putting it all out there -- including Fred the extroverted belly button!

I was so totally eating lunch while reading this! Unfortunately it was spaghetti.

Ahhh Dooce, you are lovely.

The other night I wanted to cry because I couldn't figure out if I wanted caramel ice cream or mint chocolate chip. And I'm not even pregnant, just exhausted. happens to the best of us. I finally settled on a mash up of both flavors, felt slightly better, and passed out into an ice cream induced sleep. Marvelous.

I LOVED this post.

wow, I have so much to look forward to. And damnit, Heather, you still look fabulous, so not fair ;)

I'm waiting for your book to arrive; yes, the pregnancy one! Love, love, love your blog...especially during the 8-5, Devil Wears Prada, workday!

Dude, I'd cry over breaking a chip and I'm not even knocked up. Just oddly obsessive.

Ah, you are so funny. I wish you could be pregnant so I could read about it every day. I just had my third boy, so I totally understand your feelings. I want one more, but I'll be waiting a LOOOOOOONG time. I love your site, have been reading for years. You totally rock.

I'm 30 weeks and this is my second- I grew my Fred at about 4 months this time, but the tighter the space gets the more he protrudes. I think he's cute though... most of the time at least. I too am an emotional sap. However my husband for some reason thinks that since I've been through this before that I should be "normal" now because I know what to expect. I must constantly remind him that it doesn't work that way and he needs to be extra nice to me EVERY DAY. and that if I snap at him not to take it personally. Sometimes I can censor myself, but other times I feel like I'll explode if I don't let it out. ah, the joys of pregnancy. Men--- please be extra nice to your wives, even if they are not nice back. They'll make it up to you one day ;-)

I'm 16 weeks pregnant with twins. TWINS! And explaining what you feel like at 34 weeks with one doesn't fill my heart with joy.

On the other hand is it nice to be able to expertly and thoroughly clean your belly-button? That's the part I'm looking most forward to.

Yes, I have expressed this to my husband. Yes, he thinks I'm a freak.

Captcha: His Camacho. Seriously. It sounds like a sports car.

You really do look amazing! I never got a single decent pregnant picture of myself. I looked like the living, crying dead in every shot. When people would say, "Wow, pregnancy really agrees with you. You are glowing and beautiful!" I would think, "oh no, that glow is just because my skin has turned translucent. And, so Zombie Chic is the hot new look?" Anyways, tortilla chips breaking still make me cry, and I haven't been pregnant for 4 months.

I remember sitting on the curb outside the dairy barn at the Minnesota State Fair in late-August 1996 sobbing because I had just dripped chocolate ice cream down the front of my white tee and I knew everyone would be staring at the dirty, pregnant lady all day judging me unfairly. My husband immediately leapt into action and procured me a Clinton/Gore tee from the Democratic Committee tent so I could change clothes. Two days later I was on bed-rest and it didn't matter what I spilled or how often I cried.

Gosh, you look awfully pretty.

so funny. but i do feel with you. i had my third baby two years ago, but i still remember the emotional tripping towards the end. and after. oh, the weeks just after birth...

When I was pregnant I needed to cry a lot but could actually only do it while I was driving, usually on the Interstate going 75. Luckily everyone survived.

In this photo Fred looks rather cute!

Thank you...needed the laugh! I'm 30 weeks and the last two days I feel like my rib cage is being split apart, and shaving/personal grooming in "certain areas" has become near impossible.

I just said to a co-worker that when strangers smile at me while noticeably staring at my belly I want to punch them in the throat...and then I would probably burst into tears.

What a brilliant way to mention the belly button phenomenon. I'm 30 weeks pregnant right now and I swear my belly button is a magnet. People try to resist, but they cannot, and honestly? They spent the whole first two trimesters staring at my newfound boobs like WHAT?! YOU HAVE BREASTS?! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! So I'm totally down with them looking elsewhere.

I just wish "elsewhere" were my face lol.

Awesome post!

I have used duct tape to push my bellybutton back in and keep focus on my giant pregnant ass where it belongs.

I'm not now nor have I ever been pregnant....but your description of crying with the toothbrush hanging out of your mouth and your husband laughing at you sounds like what I anticipate my pregnancy to be like....no less than three years from now....complete with lots of mockery.

OMG. That is too cute.
Yep I had the same issue with the protruding belly button. seems like at that stage everything is protruding, belly boobs butt! Even my nose got big! But its super cool to see that belly moving around I love it!!
ivoryandmoss.blogspot.com

Well, I'd recommend bourbon to deal with all this, but tragically it isn't a viable solution yet. Hrm.

When my belly button started sticking out in my pregnancy, the hyper-belly-touchers became less inclined to rub my tummy. Except for this one guy who said "buddha-buddha-buddha-buddha-buddha"... I kept waiting for him to realize I had stopped laughing, like, twenty buddha's ago.

Heather, you are this ex-Mormon girl's gift for managing to survive a childhood and adolescence spent in Utah County. Luckily I escaped and now pay homage to the Supreme Being of my choice by tuning in here every day. This is my first comment - love the photo and hope you and Fred are eeking out a peaceful existence. Also wanted to let you know that your Sucked book was my first purchase on my new kindle. I am convinced there was no better way to christen it.

I'm 36 weeks and cried today. Because why? Because I have completely lost my voice due to a cold and can't get thoughts out properly to my husband on what we need to do asap! Oh, I also cried on Sunday because my husband and I were out shopping and I got hungry. He took me to my favorite resturant and but didn't want to order anything because he wasn't hungry. So, I cried in the resturant because we weren't hungry at the same time. Non-preggo, I'm not emotional, but now I cry if the dog decides to sleep on the floor versus the bed. My husband learned in our birth classes two weeks ago about postpardum and his reaction to the whole class was "What?! You mean to tell me she's going to cry after the baby is here, too?"

You are, as always, brilliant. Your readers are all here with you lady! You and your wonderful (crazy) family.

You're freaking gorgeous.

PS - I bet it was actually pretty funny.

So I may not be pregnant, but I can totally relate to the crying (mine are PMS tears)...like when we were driving to work in the morning last week, and there were EMT's (Emergency Medical Technicians) striking, standing on street corners and holding signs...and people were honking for them, and to my boyfriend's horror, I started crying. It was just so touching...everyone was honking in support. Or the Best Buy Mother's Day commercial....which I saw again this week, and now I'm totally ashamed and embarrassed for crying while watching it! Good thing I didn't see that beautiful 34 Weeks picture last week or I would have cried from that too!

Hormones rock, don't they? I gave birth to my second 14 months ago and mother's day commercials still make me cry. Man, giving another person life is cake.

Shame on you for me giving me false hope that I could look that f-ing gorgeous when 34 weeks pregnant. You're putting us all on right? You just have a skin covered basketball attached to you, right? RIGHT?!?!?! Seriously, I'm mad at you for looking so good.

...quite possibly one of my favorite posts to date. Made me laugh hard enough that I ALMOST forgot about the fact that some avocado from my sandwich found its way to my desk chair, where I then sat on it and proceeded to walk around the office for an HOUR before realizing I had green crap smushed all over my ass. Bravo, Dooce.

-Arwen

Ah, the dreaded protruding belly-button... I think all women get them while extremely pregnant, however it is very disturbing to see a man with one... Particularly a man on the beach at a resort, who is talking to me and rubbing his stomach like a pregnant woman would... It was very disturbing. Made even more so by the alarming skinniness of the rest of this man, except for his tummy which was about on par with yours... I still think he may have had a baby in there... Obviously I am still reliving this moment and need to talk to my therapist about it! Take care, you look great!

hysterical belly button humor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGsgki1_jkQ&feature=player_embedded

I'm a week ahead of you, and in the past 7 days I have completely dropped and my belly is now where your crotch is. Except we're having a boy and the world and his wife keep telling me that they hang out a bit lower anyway.

My five year old sitting next to me said "I think she is going to have a baby.' He is very observant.

I would totally make out with Fred.

xo

b.

Once again, you look amazing!!

Your writing is a gift. One that arrives pretty much five days a week. I look forward to checking your site each day after work. As a new grandma, my response is always grandmotherly, hoping all goes well for you. You are doing great.

I too am 34 weeks and could have totally written this post. I cry, I'm annoyed, I pee. I cry, I'm annoyed, I pee. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm so glad there was a post when I checked out your blog tonight. Because I just finished your book and the withdrawal was getting painful.

You are beautiful. (Getting tired of hearing that yet?)

And Fred's pretty cute too.

Reading the Grapes of Wrath last night, I came to the bit where Ma says of Rose of Sharon, "'Course she is. Girl with a baby always gets prettier." And I thought, whoa, that can't be true, can it? Surely being bloated and tired all the time can't make a woman look better? And then I saw this post. Dooce, you're stunning. Hotter than usual, even. Also, that shirt is a really nice colour on you. Congrats!

When I was pregnant, one night my husband found me crying while watching What Not to Wear.

Hubby: What's wrong?

Me: These twins are getting a free $5000 makeover and they've just been complaining the whole time.

Hubby: And it's bothering you?

Me: THEY'RE JUST SO UNGRATEFUL!!

He just paused, looked at the TV then back at me, and then slowly backed away from the crazy pregnant woman.

God, I had that shit I'm having a baby moment - numerous times...I kept having them pretty much from 34 weeks onwards. They came in the form of early morning heebie jeebies.

Now, I am on the other side and gave birth to my second son two weeks early! Actually, he still shouldn't be born yet.

I had a bathroom bawling moment two days ago, right on schedule for the three day post baby blues. A red eyed, frizzy haired harridan was staring back at me from the bathroom mirror. I was looking, teary eyed, at HUMUNGOUS boobs that were so engorged my rock like cleavage came up to my clavicle and just started bawling like a baby. Then for some reason I thought I'd see how my bum was doing and was greeted with the sight of a flower arrangement of grapes where my neat little anus should have been! I bawled even louder and called to my partner. Poor thing, he came to the door where I'm flashing my brown eye, screaming 'Look! LOOK!' His expression said it all.

Only three days later it is such a different story, everything has gone down and I'm awash with the warmest of fuzzies for my gorgeous little boy Sweeney!

All the best for the birth, I'm really, really enjoying your blog and the fact we have similar aged kids. The 5 year age difference is the best!

During my last pregnancy, my 4 y.o. told me my protruding belly button looked like a nose on my belly. I put a band-aid over it when I had to dress-up and didn't want a nose sticking out of my shirt.

Good luck and congratulations!

Heather, we love you. Hang in there. You're almost there sweetheart.

Forget about all the discomfort. I was just grateful to stop spilling things all over myself. Things like toothpaste, ketchup, contact lenses, my own drool... Pregnancy is so magical.

Yep, I'm only at 31 weeks and I've had to fight back the occasional WTF? tear already. I have vivid memories of bawling my eyes out at kiddie music of all things towards the end of my first pregnancy. Anyhoo, this post made me laugh so hard that I did shed tears - but they were totally justified happy tears. The kind that do your soul good.

I somehow escaped the protruding belly button... a blessing which was not lost on me. Fred or no Fred, you look beautiful. I wish you comfort and calm for the next six weeks and beyond.

This post really made me never want to get pregnant ever. By the way, you look awesome.

Honestly, women shouldn't look as good as you do during pregnancy. And, to be funny as well? It's freakin' wrong.

But, you do look wonderful, happy and healthy. And, in spite of the hell that pregnancy can be, you are soon going to be Mommy to two gorgeous, beautiful, wonderous children.

Tell Jon he shouldn't laugh at you. He should be bowing down to you, enamored of your ability to produce a human being, to carry said human in your body for 10 months, and then to expel said child.

Thanks for the smiles and laughs. Thinking of you over the next 6 weeks. The end is in sight...

Just have to say you look amazing!

You look beautiful and today's chip cracking or toothpaste shirt is only one day.

By the way ... I live in Portland and I drove past Powell's (world's best bookstore) the other day and saw a poster for your book. It was exciting to see! Congrats!

OMG, Heather...riotous. You are in fine form today, my friend. Thanks for the laughs. The belly button scene nearly made me wet myself. You rock.

Does Fred need a friend. Mine popped out early and still hasn't gone back in after 4.5 months. I think it is here to stay.

I'm a long time reader, first time commenter. How in the world do you find time to read all of the comments you get on your posts?

Dang Dooce. You are funny as shit. Plus, you are such a pretty preggers. Lucky girl. Hang in there with the crying try and relax into it. Your face will hurt less.
Know this: I think you are getting funnier and funnier with each passing month, so you got that going for you, too.
Plus, your skins is gorgeous. What's the deal with that? The lighting is beautiful in these pics, but your tummy looks like it has China Doll skin.
I sported an erection-style belly button from about 6 months on in my pregnancy. It was lovely. It made me giggle because it really did make other people behave in awkward ways. They either got a kick out of it, stared with slack jaws, or were visibly disgusted. Thankfully, no one ever barfed on my belly-b.
I also broke my toe at about the 6 month mark and it hurt like a mo-fo. I actually jumped out of bed to catch a small child falling from a great height (a pregnant dream/hallucination). No real child, no real height. Just a very real wall and door jam. I rammed that toe right into the wall. Thankfully my foot hit the wall first, before my face. That would have probably sucked even more.
So I ramble.
Thanks a million for continuing to be funny and for having good taste in wall paper.

If nothing else all of the tears will help reduce some of the swelling!! I can't remember why I was crying, all I can remember is the first crying jag for no good reason happened to me in the middle of a mexican restaurant. Everyone was looking at me as I was trying to get myself back under control without luck. I think I cried the whole entire meal. My daughter turned 6 months a week ago and I still cry at random things; don't know why that is... Someone else mentioned that their belly button never popped but was flush with their belly and they could not stop rubbing it because it was so soft-this was me too. You should get a cast of your belly done so you can torture Not Maria later.

OMG it's the fragility of human life I swear! Not my hormones!!

Girl I hold you in my heart as you approach having TWO...TWO...it's so much more like herding then like parenting one.

But then you have your sheep dog as a good example, learn from her...

except don't eat your childrens poop.

did I say that? I've been reading dooce too long.

I'm impressed that the toothpaste drool was able to reach the floor. I would have expected a 34 week belly to catch it all.

Your comment about the foot poking out simultaneously made me gag and cry laughing.

Some of my favorite girl names for one of my favorite people (that's you!)

Auden
Claran
Haven
Lane
Leigh
Warren
Weaver
Wren

Until today I have never known anyone other than my daughter (11) that has given their belly button a name. Perhaps Fred would one day like to meet Priscilla?! Just a warning, my daughter says Priscilla bites.

Go ahead and cry, it makes the laughter that follows even better.

Ah yes....I had a Fred too! Funny post! LMAO

Well, you may have been trying not to cry while writing this, but I had a hard time not peeing (and I'm in the kitchen) while reading it! Particularly timely as my husband and I are in the process of trying to get me good and knocked up this weekend. I'm nearly 47 with no kids, and he's 54 and has 3 kids already (20, 17 and 7) and every time I see a pregnant woman I'm all, "Geezus I must be nuts" but we still want to take our last chance to have a child together (we got married last July). So maybe in 7-8 months I'll have a little gadget on my tummy telling me the turkey is nearly done.

Anyway you look great. Really great. In spite of Fred.

I'm reading the book about your first time dealing with pregnancy and the blog about the second little dumpling at the same time. more or less. and between tears of laughter and sadness;I'm proud to be one of the few, it seems, women happy to be childless. it's not for me. and I find kids to be annoying little monsters. sorry.
but reading this blog for the last couple of years and getting to know Leta and the "new one": if you ever decide to travel in Norway, I'll babysit. all of them. I'll even walk the dogs. why? because a daily dose of Dooce has made life a brighter and better place to be.

signing off.
T

You're amazing. I love this post.

Great post and great blog!

All the best luck with the rest of the pregnancy and the birth!!

Greetings,
Claus,

Nice picture. Is that picture photoshopped?

I have to say I am so glad I am not pregnant. It just sounds miserable. I know there is a wonderful little package at the end of it but the physical part before does not look like fun.

I have to laugh Heather, the foot thing really did happen to me! My second pregnancy ended when my water broke, and my daughter's left foot came out to say Hi! I told my husband that "something came out" and he totally freaked. The nurses didn't believe me, until they had me in the stirrups and saw her cute little toes. The doctor said he had never seen that before. I had to have an emergency C-section, and in the end, I was listed as having both a vaginal birth, and a C-section. Too weird!

This is probably one of my favorite posts ever!

You reminded me of when my girlfriend was on Yaz and it made her really emotional, and she cried near the end of Click! Yes, the Adam Sandler movie!

I'm afraid to imagine how she would be if she's pregnant, but at least I hope she'll be as funny as you!

I love these pictures showing your progression. You look beautiful and I love reading your blog.

Fred is a bugger!

Ah, but you look beautiful . . .

You aren't quite to the "Shamu the killer whale" stage, but almost!

LOLZ! Look at Kelly Ripa and her penis bellybutton!!! You'll feel much better about your own bellybutton (and also about being FEMININE and not a man) - http://thesuperficial.com/2009/05/bfm_enlarged/enlarged-kelly_ripa_in_a_...

You love this Heather, dont you? You love the fact that your life is just oh! so! complicated and things are just soooo wild and crazy and busy! PUHLEEZE!!!! You make believe everything is just so amazing and ironic and read-worthy but the truth of the matter is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you write about is any more exciting or newsworthy or ironic than anyone elses life; you just happen to write about it in a blog and embellish it and thought about doing it before anyone else. And people will read about it cause it gives them a good laugh but you and I (and Jon and Leta and even the dogs, if they could read) know that what you write isnt really all that true (theres lots added on for humor sake, lots changed to make it seem it happened that way, when it really didnt). So I, along with all the others, continue to read just to have a laugh every now and then. And I will continue to post, every now and then, just to be happy to know that Jon or you will wince, even if just for a bit, when you read this, but you will leave it in the comments because you know that not many commenters will even notice it there and every comment added shows more and more people are reading and adding to your blog so thats great for your revenue.

You love this Heather, dont you? You love the fact that your life is just oh! so! complicated and things are just soooo wild and crazy and busy! PUHLEEZE!!!! You make believe everything is just so amazing and ironic and read-worthy but the truth of the matter is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you write about is any more exciting or newsworthy or ironic than anyone elses life; you just happen to write about it in a blog and embellish it and thought about doing it before anyone else. And people will read about it cause it gives them a good laugh but you and I (and Jon and Leta and even the dogs, if they could read) know that what you write isnt really all that true (theres lots added on for humor sake, lots changed to make it seem it happened that way, when it really didnt). So I, along with all the others, continue to read just to have a laugh every now and then. And I will continue to post, every now and then, just to be happy to know that Jon or you will wince, even if just for a bit, when you read this, but you will leave it in the comments because you know that not many commenters will even notice it there and every comment added shows more and more people are reading and adding to your blog so thats great for your revenue.

You look amazing. I wish I looked half as good as you when I was pregnant with my twins because I was your size, um, never. But, if I had to guess, probably closer to my 26th or 28th week. You're one of those beautiful pregnant women that don't look pregnant from behind, and then they turn around and have a cute little belly. I looked like I swallowed an exercise ball. Anyway, do you have the Vertical Brown Line yet? It appears to remind you of the excrutiating pain you will soon be experiencing and where that will be happening.

Um. Wow. Anonymous. Are you a happy person?

Heather--don't mean to be a downer but I had my third child at 35 weeks. I was nesting like mad and cleaning floors and whoops, I suddenly had way more water than I needed.

Good luck!
Katrin

So I guess the belly button didn't 'POP' like a cork?

My wife's never jumped at us...I was left wondering is it an audible 'POP'

;)

RockAByeDad.com

I can not stop laughing. Thanks, you just don't know how much I needed that today.

When the belly button pops out does it mean you're done... like with a turkey?
I put a band aid over mine to cover it when I wore tight shirts. It worked, sort of. ;)

Had my 4th and (cross your fingers) last baby 8 months ago and I moss thoses pregnancy days believe it or not. I have to say you are absolutely beautiful! I was so swollen and fat but it I didn't care, I loved being pregnant. I had my husband take pictures of me during my last pregnancy and out of a billion photos I liked one! You just stand there and look awesome! Good luck with delivery and savor your last few weeks!

I think we're due the same day, I was 34 weeks on Tuesday. I logged onto your site this morning and saw your headline and lost it! Just this week I had the exact same panic moment, I don't know why my growing stomach didn't make me think a baby was coming sooner than at this point, but it didn't and now I'm panicking. Thank you for helping me feel a little less crazy! lol

About crying - when I was pregnant with my first (this is baby #3) my husband was flipping through the channels and passed a commercial with bales of hay. Jokingly he simply said, "Hey". I immediately started crying. This being our first baby, you can imagine the look of confusion and concern that crossed his face. I just looked at him and through my tears I said, "I don't know" and shrugged my shoulders. He didn't know whether to laugh or get me a tissue. The joys of pregnancy!

Oh Heather--dear Heather--I feel your pain. I to just hit the 34 weeks mark of being pregger with baby #2! My belly button is on it's way out, the baby in there clearly has no room since she tells me so ALL FREAKEN NIGHT LONG. I want to cry. Daily. Minute by minute. People ask how I am--I want to cry. My 3 yr old son gives me a hard time..I want to cry. I get up in the middle of the night to pee AGAIN..I WANT TO FREAKEN CRY. I am a royal bitch at this point. A crying one. I can not wait until it is week 38--can I get an AMEN sista?

by the way --love your blog--and want to put my emotional middle finger up to the above Anonymous--clearly they have never been 34 weeks pregnant with a 2nd child to know that what you are writing is f'n true! So not cool.

You look fantastic... by 34 weeks my belly button entered the room a full 2.5 second before I did!

I don't usually comment, but I was eating my lunch while reading this, and yes, it was a ham sandwich. How did you know? ;)

Those boobies are going to do a fine job.

at least your little Fred is only temporary. have you seen Kelly Rippa's outtie? it seriously resembles someone sticking a THUMB out of her stomach. now that's bad! yours is hardly noticable!

xo
Kelly

I had a dream last night that you had your baby AT HOME. I was there, and I cried because you were so brave and, you know, moms cry when other women have babies. (No, I do not live in Utah, and have no desire or plans to crash your child's birth.) Anyway, she totally had your chin.

Wow! The Evil Quadruplets were on and left comments # 243, 244, 245 and 246!

We'll call them EQ for short. Emotional Quotient? Is a 2 too high?

I can't wait to get home and be able to see your pictures. As for the "lunch part"- You caught me in the act of eating my lunch, but it didn't bother me...

Belly buttons and feet. Two of my least favorite things. During my last pregnancy I had a Fred as well (I think I called it Ewww though) I layered on t- shirt after t -shirt so it was no longer visible. If I didn't I would gag and throw up.

Happy pregnancy!

My crying came 4 weeks after the baby. Alex is my 4th and i didn't suffer any post anything with the first three. I felt so guilty because is all i could do was cry and wonder if we were going to be able to feed him. I know that sounds weird but that's what my mind was doing to me. After taking my OB's advice, I'm better now and back to my old self of doing my morning show at CBS and weekly on Cocktail Match. I try to put a smile on your face as I remember wondering if I was normal and if others could notice that I spent my days crying. Watch my show if you desire http://budurl.com/TheOneShot This mothers day, I just want to be with my 4 babies. Happy Mothers Day!

I don't ever comment but seriously you look fabulous!

Steph

you look superb and best wishes for a healthy baby.

I'm there with you. I'm almost 29 weeks pregnant with twin boys and I swear if anyone tells me again how small I am, I'm going to show them a picture of you! You are so cute and compared to you, I can see how I definitely look like I'm carrying two babies. I'm crying and getting cranky all the time too. Good luck. You look great and I hope all is well.

My sister has been calling her baby-yet-to-be-born (the word "embryo" seems so impersonal) Fred. Just learned it's a girl, but still calling her Fred. I might just keep calling her Fred for the rest of her life.

You look wonderful! Hang in there.

#276: "Stop crying in front of your daughter. My worst memory from childhood is the one time my mom lost it in front of me. Be a strong, smart, common-sense female role model to her and MOTHER her."

That's pathetic. I guess the world still keeps spinning even when wierd people like this are walking amongst us. Scary.

You're beautiful!

My youngest step daughter is expecting as well...we're now taking bets on what day and how much she'll weigh (we know she's a GIRL!) I've already "talked to the belly" a number of times and have told my grand-daughter to be that she's not allowed to come out until AFTER her grampie and I get back from our vacation in the Turks and Caicos...

At any rate, my beautiful step daughter is also 34 weeks along...

I hope you have a safe, fast, and pain free delivery!

I would say something pithy about Fred, but I'm laughing too hard. My father's name is Fred. I may never look at him the same way again. Poor dad.

And poor Fred - think he knows he's only got 6 weeks to strut his stuff?

Damn it I wish I looked that good when i was 34 weeks pregnant!!! You look FANTASTIC Heather!!!!!!!

You look fantastic! May the next 6 weeks go by quickly for you, and Fred.. as long as he actually leaves..

Oh to hear how you are feeling makes me think fondly now of when I was at that stage....then I felt like a whale, was hugely uncomfortable and could not understand why my baby would not make the entrance into the world....now I think of it fondly....how we change our minds!!! I used to be on that damn NYC subway every friggen day - in the middle of summer 36 weeks pregnant. Bloody nightmare!!!! But would not change any of it for the world....here's to a quick labor, a healthy mum & bub and to the first margerita post birth!!!!!

You look fantastic, you really do. I've just ended 26 weeks of my first pregnancy and I am terrified that my belly button is going to pop out. It's getting closer and closer. A good friend of mine told me hers went flat - she described it as looking like "a cat asshole" - and while this idea isn't super palatable, I'd prefer it to an outie.